"Thank you", "Please", "Love you" are probably among the top phrases that we emphasize to our children in the beginning. We hope to hear them use these words with out prompting, and eventually they do. It feels wonderful to hear a 16 month old say please and thank you. The pride we take in polite children is powerful. However, I never ever imagined the power of the word "Help" and it was totally accidental.
We keep a bucket of toys just above my son's eye level in the living room. He started to be able to reach the bucket, and I didn't want him to hurt himself by pulling it down so I would say, "Help?" when he reached for it. Then I would take it down. Eventually he would point to it and say "Elp". This was great, but the benefits go way deeper than communicating a need.
At around the 17, 18 month mark kids start to develop the "Me Do!" attitude. This is that annoying, but incredibly exciting attitude that they want to do it, on their own, and their way. They also get incredibly frustrated when they can't do something, sometimes resulting in temper tantrums. "Help" has helped with this tremendously. First, in the obvious way that my child can ask for help if he needs it. This is a powerful lesson for a growing mind. Knowing that he can rely on others to help is encouraging. It also instills a sense of community in him; as a family, we work together.
The second benefit is that I can offer help when I see frustration, and he knows what I mean. When I say "offer help" I mean exactly that, help. Probably the most important part of this word is that it doesn't mean I do it for him. This means that I hold his hands, manipulate his fingers to help him and show him how to do it himself.How to help the "right" way? When your child asks for help or you offer it, NEVER grab the object they need help with, you should always first grab their hands. Try to move their hands to the correct motion that they need for success. Of course there are situations where this is impossible or difficult like reaching for an object up high, but the point is that we need to fight the natural instinct to just do things for our kids and actually help them.
