Parenting

This will evolve. I know what I say now at 7 months, may not be what I believe at 18 months. However, I do know one thing, I am always a better parent when I parent with my mind AND gut and not just one or the other.

People always ask me how Jack is a happy baby. They say things like, "Is he really like that all the time?" or "You got lucky with that one." To these comments I always smile, nod, and say, "He has nothing to complain about." By that I mean more than what they may think. My child has all of his needs met. He is fed when he is hungry, he sleeps when he is tired, he knows someone who loves him is always an arms length away. These things build a secure feeling in a baby, and with security comes freedom to explore and enjoy.


To say I am naturally nurturing would be unfair. I do have a nurturing side, but I am actually naturally sarcastic and abrasive...yet strangely optimistic and goofy. I am prone to impatience and frustration. The mother I am "knee-jerk" is not the mother I am or want to be in retrospect or well thought out situations. I remember when Jack was a few weeks old and crying. I picked him up and held him and it didn't work. He was fed, changed, just fine. I kept rocking him, nothing...then I said, "What's the matter?" and he stopped crying. Instinctively I said nothing because I hate when people talk to me when I am upset. I just want to be left alone, it didn't even occur to me that he might need to hear my voice. Parenting is forgetting your own wants and needs and tuning into the needs of your babe.

My sister is an amazing mother and introduced me to Attachment Parenting. She often quoted Dr. Sears and my husband and I would look at her like, "That guy again?" Yet, as I saw her children grow I realized, it works! Yes, it may be more work in the beginning, but in the long run, her children are better people.

The first thing I asked myself is, if my child could have one quality, like really only one, what would I want it to be. My answer...

COMPASSION

That said, the only way to possibly raise him is with compassion. Am I perfect? No way! I remember calling my sister crying because when he was 6 weeks old he kept waking up more than usually in the middle of the night, and I looked at him while he was crying and said, "I you f$%*ing kidding me?" She told me that those are the things EVERY mother does, feels guilty about, and never tells anyone. She also said that the mere fact that I felt bad about it showed that I love him.

Parenting is a learning experience. With trial and error we find what works for every child and parent. I believe that I brought this child to the earth and therefore I must devote my life to him. I do not make my baby adhere to my schedule, we feed on demand, we sleep on demand, we play on demand. I try to go with the flow, but set clear expectations and boundaries. My words are kind and purposeful.

I do not call myself an AP parent...I don't believe in labels and I don't do EVERYTHING AP. I lead with my gut, but think with my mind (though over thinking can be dangerous). It is important to have goals in mind, what kind of person do you want this child to be? Then parent accordingly. Do I want him to be an independent thinker? Yes, so I let him explore things on his own. Do I want him to deal with his emotions? Yes, so when he gets stiff and cries when I try to put him in his car seat, I stop trying to fight him, let him have his moment, look at him and smile and within a second he is fine.

My husband and I are now beginning to read up on discipline.  We have conflicting feelings about these things, and need to do more research. We also understand that Jack may respond better to certain things than others, we will have to see. For now, we lead by example. We hope that by showing Jack how we handle situations, he will learn how to handle them as well.