What camp are you from? Are you a Dr. Sear’s follower, or do
you believe in Babywise? Are you Vax-er? CD-er? BF-er? Babywearer? Which
acronym defines us as parents? We subscribe to a camp of thought, a group of
beliefs that begin to define our parenting, define us. To the internet world of mommy groups
I’d probably be considered an AP CD-er who vaxes and babywears. To me, I’m a mom who loves my son and
leads with my gut. Seeing as though we like to subscribe names and labels to
things, understandably, I’d like to say that I am a “natural” mom, but I don’t
think that is the term. Even that term could imply things that aren’t true
about my parenting. I vax and my kid consumes chemical laden goldfish
daily. My ideals coincide with Attachment
Parenting, but I don’t co-sleep and I don’t leap over furniture to grab my son
if he is crying, though I do go to him. Which parent am I?
I started thinking about this when my husband was up late
one night researching the Ferber method. Why? I have no clue, my son sleeps
fine and we never ferberized him. Maybe a little background is necessary, my
husband cringes and shuts down if I start a sentence with “Dr. Sears” or
“Attachment Parenting”. He apparently set out to see what the whole Cry it Out
verse rocking your child argument was all about. He approached me the next day,
hesitantly, to inform me of the research he found discounting attachment
parenting and it’s scientific research claims. Then he went on about how, with
the next baby, we shouldn’t read any books and should just do what feels right.
I laughed. Little did he know, other than reading things to support what I was
already doing and reassure myself, I read very little in the realm of how to
raise a child. Between the wonderful things I watched my sister do with her
kids, the way I was raised and my gut I found my way. He seemed relieved, “But
I thought you were an AP Mom?” Yes, if I am in a room with moms I know that if
I need to identify myself as something, saying I am AP will get most of my
points across. Saying I am AP will let people know most of my philosophies and
the intentions of my parenting. However, I am not an AP mom…I am an instinctual
mom. I parent from my heart and monitor my heart with my mind.
Society convinces women that they are not capable of
parenting without a book, and they cannot give birth without a class. Books and
classes are great, but a parent can’t survive googling every choice. I believe
you need to parent from the hip (both literally wearing baby there and shooting
from there). Although I owned plenty of books to consult, I found it
overwhelming to read them before I had my son. So, I consulted them at
different points. When Jack suddenly started waking up in at 4am around 6
months, when I heard someone say that I should get him off the bottle at a
year. I felt certain responses in my gut, consulted books and google and then
inevitably, went with my gut. Fortunately parenting is NOT a science and
because of that, it is possible to find articles to support any of your beliefs
and reassure you that you are doing the right thing.
We need to support each other and develop a new way of
thinking. Maybe, just maybe, we know how to raise great kids, productive
members of society, without anyone else’s input but our own. Just maybe, we are
born with this knowledge. We don’t need names for what we do, because in the
end we all do the same exact thing, love our children.
